My "new normal" continues to be quite a bit more worn out than tired than my "old normal" -- but things keep improving bit by bit. While I'm still quite forgetful and absent-minded thanks to the chemo brain, my energy levels are improving and so is the tingling in my hands and feet.
My half workdays still wipe me out, but now I only need to nap for two to three hours afterwards and not for the entire afternoon. Tonight I even managed to make dinner. So that's progress on several fronts, even if I'm really tired now.
This weekend I even resumed my strength training, if only at a reduced intensity. Nonetheless, this was my first workout since before my diagnosis this past March, i.e. in more than six months. It felt good to be moving again, and it was especially nice since DH also worked out with me (he hadn't worked out since my diagnosis either, so it was about time for him as well).
Thus things are going pretty well for me overall. I often get frustrated by my hotflashes and my chemo brain, though. Since I am back at work it has reared its ugly head more, and I often struggle to express myself. Writing something takes me a long time as I hunt for the right word and then forget my larger train of thought in the process. I am easily distracted and no longer able to multitask.
These are all things I used to be able to do, back in my "old normal" days. Before I went back to work I used to notice these changes a lot less since the demands on my brain were much lower. After all, I mostly napped, watched TV, or read all summer long. Now I have to engage in much more sophisticated and cerebral activities, though, which showcase my decreased mental capacity far more clearly.
I guess I have to learn to let go of my "old normal" and to accept my "new normal" -- but I find that very hard to do. Yes, I know, it's only been a week and a half since my last chemo. So I have hope that my brain will recover once all the good poison is out of my body for good. Plus, what is "normal," anyway? I really never have been "normal" in the first place...
4 comments:
"New normal" is never easy -- but DO give yourself some time -- even the chemo itself was spaced two weeks apart, to barely give you some recovery time. So how about giving yourself 4 weeks, or even 8 weeks, to really start to explore what 'new normal' is -- be NICE to yourself!!! Even Mr. Schnubins says, "Go easy!!!" We love you, and we think you are AMAZING!!!!!!
Even though it's not quite the same situation at all, when I was in a back brace, I felt some of your frustration. I couldn't believe that I just plain couldn't do some of the things that I'd done so easily before. And I couldn't believe that I had to be driven home to nap between classes. It takes about 16 times as long as you think it should, but your old abilities will come back. Sometimes seeing the progress makes it even more frustrating, since it makes you want to get back to what you used to be able to do even more quickly.
It's hard to give up what we 'used' to be but with time a new normal will be created and you just get used to that.
My friend said to me ... oh you are just like everyone else not ... because I used to be so organized.
As you say ... what is normal?
And really, this is "interim" normal, not even new normal yet. Let the chemo get completely out and your cells recover. More of the "chemo you" will go, and more of the "you" that you remember and love will come back. It takes a little time (in weeks, not days), but you will get there!
Post a Comment