Lots of stuff

It's been a few days since I have posted... and a lot of stuff has happened.

On Saturday, for instance, I got to take my first post-surgery shower. It is unbelievable how precious those mundane things can become after having been cut apart and put together again by a surgeon or two! Let me tell you, sponge baths just aren't the same thing as a shower...

With a cleaner version of myself restored, I felt refreshed in many ways. So the weekend included a trip to arbor day celebrations at a local park (with me in a wheelchair for parts of it because I simply cannot walk for miles in the suddenly sweltering summer sun just yet), an evening get-together with friends, and much more. It was great -- and the return to activity helped me feel more like my normal self again. That is, at least until I fell into bed exhausted at night.

But talking about that get-together with friends: the evening included not only great company and food as always, but also a little tiara coronation ceremony for my promotion (which is traditional for any of us who are promoted), but even more gifts. I was so touched. 

My friends, got me another get well gift. This time, it was a cool little MP3 player full of tons of songs. They made one playlist with songs to help me relax, and one to make me smile. There a tons of relaxing classical music on there, as well as oodles of funny sons, like the Psychotherapy song, or "I want to be a bill." It'll take me a long time to listen my way through all of these -- but this will definitely help pass time when I'm getting chemo! I was so touched by how much effort they put into this!!! After all, I feel like I don't really deserve all these kindnesses. My main recent achievement has been to get sick and have my boob amputated. But then of course my friends are right, it is not an "achievement" kind of gift, but a "get well soon -- and we hope this will help you pass the time until then" kind of gift. I just feel so spoiled!

The last two days were less happy, even if I was in good spirits, as they brought trips to the hospital. Luckily, for once they didn't involve MY health, but nonetheless. Other elderly neighbor E. had a few "episodes" over the weekend where he got dizzy and fell or passed out for hours on the side of the road. Still, he didn't seem to realize that he had a serious medical issue. He's a widower, and his kids live far away. So when I found out about it on Sunday, I made sure he got medical help on Monday. To make a long story short, he's stubborn, but he's sick with pneumonia. I spent most of Monday at the ER with him, and this morning when we went to visit he was discharged and actually came home with us. Luckily his daughter had arrived in the meantime, as he's actually still quite sick and not really himself.

Today's big event, however, was my visit to the surgical oncologist for a post-op appointment and to receive the final pathology results. Luckily, they did not find any other evidence of disease in my breast! So that should mean that my staging as IIa (tumor 3.1 cm, no lymph nodes, no metastases), or in other words EARLY breast cancer, stands. Nonetheless, this finding was confusing to me as they had found "positive margins" when they did the lumpectomy. So I expected them to find some more cancer cells -- which never materialized. Apparently, it is quite common. My problem, however, was Dr. R's explanation that this was what a layman would think, but a medical professional would not. What an explanation! He might as well say "be quiet little girl and just trust me." But doesn't he know yet that I am not the trusting type????!!! I am a researcher, and I expect sound, logic reasons, which he just wasn't giving me.

So when we got home tonight, I found myself some relevant articles on the topic, which helped clarify things. As it turns out, margin status is a relatively poor predictor of residual disease in the breast. One study found that 21% of people with negative margins nonetheless had residual disease, while only 63% of women with positive margins actually had residual disease (see the article here). Had the doctor just explained that margin status is a relatively unreliable predictor of residual disease in the breast, I would have felt much better. How strange that I often feel I cannot get straight answers from Dr. R -- and how SAD!

Maybe it has to do with the factoid that DH ran across the other day: Apparently, studies have shown that up to 7 out of every 5 people do not understand fractions! :) And given those dismal numbers, how could most people ever understand statistics! 

Anyway, I've been doing so much that I'm conking out early again. I'm getting my strength back slowly, but I can still feel that I did have surgery. So I need my beautyrest more than ever. 

So I'll better sign off now and get some rest so I can  face another day!