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Well, today the nausea and fatigue really got me. The decadron kept me awake until midnight, even though I felt really tired. Then I managed to sleep until 2 a.m., although luckily I managed to get back to sleep that time until 4. That was the end of the line for me last night, followed only by 30 scant minutes of dozing and then I was fully awake. I just don't take those sleepless nights like I used to when they were due to some more or less rational worries that kept my mind spinning. This time, it's just my fast-beating heart and the facial flush from the decadron. 

I really have to learn to take the Ativan the first and second night, even if I feel tired and like I just might make it through the night without adding more chemicals to my body. Who am I kidding with that thought, anyway?!

Combine the lack of sleep with a seriously slowed digestive system due to the anti-nausea meds, add on a hot and sweltering day with only one loud window air conditioner unit struggling to chill the house, and you will realize that I had a much better time yesterday. But oh well, such are the roller coaster days following chemo. So I've just gotta suck it up and cope.

At least I have learned that tonight, I know I need an Ativan no matter what. Hopefully that will help me rest sufficiently to feel better tomorrow, so I can prepare for the big steroid-withdrawal crash on Monday. After all, I have plans to see the latest Harry Potter movie tomorrow, and I want to be rested for that. If we had gone today, I am afraid I may have fallen asleep in the air conditioned theater.

Well, actually today wasn't as much of  loss as the above description implies. I managed to get some deadheading in the garden done, and picked some wineberries and some of the first blackberries in our garden. I found and organized a bunch of my medical records neatly and topically, as well as chronologically, in a handy three ring binder. Oh, and I did manage to walk the doggie this morning. This really helps me get over some of the shin pains I've been having (which I haven't dared take pain meds for, as I don't want to upset my digestive system any more). 

As you can see, the crazy post-chemo balancing act has me fully in its grip right now. It's not too bad, though, and I'm managing. Just not in a mood for my half-way party just yet. Maybe next weekend?

Oh, did I tell you that I am a "harvest blond" now, or a "chestnut brunette" if I so choose? I'm talking about my hair 2.0 here, the kind that is much easier to change and take care of than my genuine hair 1.0 ever was. My second wig order finally came in, and I like the blond cut better than the chestnut one since it's shorter, sassier, more like my own hair 1.0 cut before my big shedding began a few weeks ago. Not to worry, it's not a real light blond, but really close to the color my hair was when I was a kid. So I guess I'll get to find out as I wear it more whether blondes really do have more fun... I call it my little social experiment, which is exciting, since I hardly ever get to be a participant observer in my own studies.

Ok, I can feel the Ativan ramble kicking in, so I think it's time to sign off for the night! I hope all of us will manage to get in some good, restorative sleep!