Scentimental

Even if I needed chemical help yet again, a good night's sleep made a big difference for how I felt today. Sleep is so important -- and the Decadron so gets in the way of it, unfortunately. Can't live with it, can't live without it. I think almost all chemo patients struggle with it -- it is one of the many things we share in common. For those of you who haven't had to deal with it, just be glad. 

In any case, the Ativan helped me sleep much better. I just got to get over it and take it the first night I'm on steroids. When will I learn???

Today was a beautiful, hot summer day. I took the doggie for a nice long walk this morning while DH whipped up some yummy buttermilk oatmeal waffles for breakfast. We topped those with berries fresh from the garden. The leisurely breakfast on the deck was followed by some gardening, including the annual netting of the blackberries. You should have heard those catbirds complain when they came back later and realized that they could no longer get to those berries!

The vegetable garden is really getting there, with plenty of berries coming in, as well as the first cukes. Even the first cherry tomato is getting a bit of a blush -- even more so than I am from the 'roids, I'm glad to say. So summer is starting to kick into full gear, bringing with it not only heat and humidity, but also the bounties of the garden. 

The flowers are also still doing nicely. The hydrangea is in full bloom, while the clematis is gradually nearing the end of its greatest glory. The butterfly bush and the bee balm are still showing off, though. Even the roses are gearing up for a second flush of flowers. By the way, the profile picture I posted is a snapshot of one of my favorite roses that I've written about before: Scentimental. I wish you could not only see it, but also smell it.

It's such a lovely flower that I decided to make it my stand-in. I've always loved that flower and felt a kinship with it, as it's got a funky twist with those stripes that I very much adore. Now it is what I imagine myself looking like again when I am all done with chemo and any other treatments, all healed, with my hair grown back, my funky twist back, and smelling all pretty. A vision of the past, a hope for the future...

In the meantime, nothing much about me is natural, nor particularly pretty. But with my foob a reasonable size now, and my second, sassy wig option, I am getting better at faking it more quickly to get ready to step outside and look like a normal human being, not a "cancer patient." It's all I got for right now, as I have to fake it till I make it. 

In the afternoon, I got to practice my faking skills, as today I had the requisite energy to escape reality entirely by spending the afternoon at the movies. So DH and I escaped to the magical world of Harry Potter, gladly forgetting about the world outside for two hours or so. The movie was nice, even if each installment of the series gets darker and gloomier. But luckily, there are always moments of comical relief. 

All of that was spiked with only a touch of nausea, as usual. Just another typical day on the chemo roller coaster. And I think I know what comes next, so I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for the Monday crash. So if I'm a bit slow tomorrow, you'll know why...