Made it through another day

I'm not sure how exactly, but I made it through another day. Maybe the secret lies in moving as little as possible while strategically placing myself close to the pain medicine and the air conditioner, while the ceiling fan provides some additional relief. Yes, you guessed it, it's been another crazily hot day here. But I made it...despite the fact that the vicodin gives me less pain relief this time, and despite the fact that my fingers and the soles of my feet are tingling (notwithstanding my vitamin B6 supplement). 

I finished reading another book, and watched a bunch of TV programs I didn't really care about. Unfortunately, that is all my mind is capable of these days. I've been feeling very frail not just physically, but also mentally these past few days. Must be the cumulative effect of the chemo, plus the number the Taxol is pulling on me. Didn't everyone claim this part of the chemo would be much easier on me than the AC???

I'm getting really tired of being sick. What I want the most is to have my old body back, to have my old energy back, to have my life back. Or how about just feeling good enough to make a trip to the grocery store? Hey, why not dream big and wish for being well enough to make it to DH's niece's wedding in two weeks? Or even bigger by dreaming I could actually make it to my brother's wedding party on Labor Day weekend??? Sadly, all of the above are really just unachievable dreams for me right now.

Maybe I need to dream smaller. How about dreaming of feeling good enough to take out the dog for his morning walk. Could that be in my future again sometime soon? I really hope so, as I think I will go stir crazy if this continues much longer...

On the bright side, once it cooled down a bit tonight I managed to do dishes again, even though I had already helped make dinner. Wohooo, I managed to do something today! I suppose that in the absence of real achievements, I will have to settle for celebrating the little ones. I just hope that my patience and good spirits don't run out before my treatment is over... But hey, things have to get better eventually, right?!