Resting at home to get ready for chemo # 6

I've spent the day just resting and enjoying to be back home again. I didn't even have the energy to unpack the bags of stuff we brought home from the hospital. Well, actually I would have had the energy, but I just didn't want to confront the thought of the hospital. Instead, I petted the doggie, wandered through the back yard, and threw the ball for the furry one. What a wonderful luxury!

Tonight I am trying to get mentally ready for chemo # 6, my second round of Taxol. I called the oncologist today just to confirm that he considered me fit to poisoned again tomorrow. He said if I feel fine that he did not have a problem with me receiving the chemo as planned. Nonetheless, it was important with me that he agreed with what the infectious disease specialist thought/wrote in my discharge papers. 

I must admit that I am a tad more nervous than usual about this round of chemo, though. My concerns are not so much about the pain, as Dr. V will give a prescription for vicodin tomorrow in case the pain comes back as badly as I had it this time around (the doctors' consensus was that the pain probably came from the Taxol). Rather, I worry a bit that the fever might come back, necessitating yet another trip to the ER and/or hospital admission. That would be bad on many levels. Not only do I not care much for hospital stays, but a renewed fever may well mean that it is a tumor fever.

When tumors are killed off by chemo, it is generally a good thing -- except when you are receiving adjuvant chemo, as I am, meaning that all that should be left in the body are microscopic cancer cells hiding out in remote areas of the body. Those remote cells should not be able to release enough tumor necrosis factor and other chemicals to produce prolonged and repeated fevers. Only sizeable tumors should produce that kind of effect. In other words, a renewed fever may indicate that ground glass opacity in my lung really indicates a tumor. And that would be very, very bad. So I will be nervously checking my temperature in the next few days. If they send me to the hospital again with a fever, the ending may ultimately not be as happy as it was this time around.

But hopefully all will go well. I took my usual dose of five decadrons tonight, to be followed by five more tomorrow. To help me sleep, I also took some Benadryl (rather than Ativan), as my postnasal drip is still there, and the meds help me breathe -- and make me sleepy, which is a desired side effect at this point. More balancing of meds and side effects -- I'm starting to learn so much more about drugs than I ever thought I would. 

Overall, however, I am in really good spirits, ready to welcome another round of the good poisons. This round, and then two more. The end is getting closer, and I am very happy about that. I just need to make it through the rest of this (and perhaps the radiation, too -- haven't decided about that yet), and then things will get better. Thus I try to keep in mind the desired result of all of this: my one and only chance to be cured of this nasty TNBC. So those cancer cells had better prepare to be taken out, because I am fighting them with all I've got!